“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” This has grown to become one of my all-time favourite quotes. I didn’t really understand it much when I was younger, but now it makes a hell of a lot of sense… Basically, if you manage to do me wrong once, then shame on you for doing so. However, if this happens more than once? Then shame on me for being so stupid and allowing that to happen, again.
“You’re so nice” is what I’m told by many, many people. And it’s true; I am too nice – sometimes to the point where it just bites me in the ass. There are usually three stages that go through a person’s head when meeting me for the first time.
Stage one – before actually speaking to me, solely based on appearance: This girl looks like a stuck up bitch! (A LOT of people have told me that this were their first thoughts when meeting me for the first time.) WHY? I asked those many people. “I don’t know, from a distance you just have that look”, “cause’ you’re a pretty girl and I guess that’s just an initial stereotype that people have” or “cause of how you present yourself – you always have your hair, makeup and nails done.”
Stage two – getting to know me: She’s definitely fake. There’s no way that someone can actually be this nice.
And finally, stage three – after actually getting to know me: Wow, I was wrong about this girl. she’s actually pretty genuine.
Now, once people get to this final stage, they either genuinely cherish finding a friend like me, or they just drop me out of their life without hesitation. Yep, I was pretty blunt there, but that’s literally how it goes – one way or the other. Unfortunately, for some reasons that I’m still struggling to understand, the latter is the one that I’ve experienced one too many times.
I hate not having closure, you know? I have got a very big heart but trust me; it takes A LOT for me to let somebody into my life properly. So when someone is about to enter my life, friend or relationship wise, my guard is initially sky-high and bringing that guard down requires me to get to know you, trust you and believe that you’re not going to just walk away when you feel like it. So why is it that about 95% of the time, after I’ve finally lowered my guard and invested so much of my time and effort into a relationship, these same people who, at the beginning tried so hard to become part of my life in the first place, suddenly decide to just switch up on me and leave without any explanation?
If you have a problem with me then address the issue. Don’t just start acting all weird and then cut me off like I meant absolutely nothing to you. Do you know how hurtful it is to watch someone who you’ve trusted enough to allow become part of your life and done so much for suddenly start acting cold and slowly trying to erase you out of their lives? And after racking your brains over and over again, you just can’t see why? After all you’ve ever done is been supportive, caring, understanding and loyal to them? And that’s when my annoyingly naive habits come in. My gut instincts are strong and I can tell when someone is being off with me. At first upon noticing, I won’t say anything, just observe the situation. I mean, they could just be having an off-day right? But once this “off-day” turns into “off-days” and eventually “off-weeks,” that’s when I know that there’s definitely something up.
So, being the type of person that I am, I try my hardest to resolve whatever issue there is, even when I’m not the one who is causing the issue. I feel so stupid sometimes. Like I’m the one who’s being treated badly, yet I’m the one who’s fighting for the relationship to go back to normal, when really it should be the other way round…
If this happened on one or two occasions, then I’d understand. But I have actually lost count with how many times this has happened with so many friendships/relationships. Is it something that I’m doing wrong? Do I try too hard? Do I just believe that everyone has the same heart as me? I really don’t know but I really am keen to find out. Maybe I just need to open my eyes and stop always being so forgiving and naive. And this goes back to the introduction of my blog. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.